He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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