His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
