My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
