69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm like, not good at living.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
