once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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