it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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