Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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