If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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