just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
