i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
