I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
