saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
