Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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