You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
