hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
