I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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