i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
