can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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