im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
