nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
