Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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