there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
