I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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