whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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