I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
