I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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