: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
