i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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