I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
