Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
