he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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