i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
