ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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