Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
