I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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