Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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