we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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