My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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