ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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