so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
