just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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