I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
