You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
