Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
