i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
