If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
