She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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