she was so not down for the gang bang
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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