Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
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she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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