i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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