the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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