Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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