My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
