Acid is not a monday night drug
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
