I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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