am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
