seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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