Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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