Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
