Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
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we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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