Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
