i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
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The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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