Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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