In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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