people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
