are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
