White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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