i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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