i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
