i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
