dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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