Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
