He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
