Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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